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Learning the Lesson this time

So school starts soon, and all 3 will be in pivotal grades, K, 3rd, and 6th (now at the middle/high school). They also all start on different days. #FixtItJesus. It's year end at my job, and my knowledgeable coworker moved last month. Fall sports are coming up. Reina's foot is healed so she can get back into gymnastics. Slowly, but surely, I can feel my anxiety creeping back up. Can I handle all this?!? Yes, I have a husband, who picks up all kinds of slack, but he also belongs to Uncle Sam, so I can't always count on him as back up.

But wait...we dealt with this, right? We have coping mechanisms, right? We are no longer afraid to ask for help. No longer trying to do it all on our own. Saying no when we just can't. See, that's the thing about shadow work and trigger identification. They always come back around.

Did you learn the lesson, or nah?

I noticed myself snacking more today. I had a soda. I bite off a nail. (Chi is gonna kill me.) Classic markers that I'm overwhelmed. Already. You know what's cool though? I know what it looks like, so I can get in front of it before a bad couple of hours begin to spiral. It's game time. Am I going to handle business, or will it handle me? These are the questions.

I'm a planner. A list maker. So that is what I plan to do this weekend. When you are coordinating 5 different schedules you can't just be all willy nilly with how things run. Not mention deadlines are a thing. 😉 My gym routine is pretty solid. So is my morning meditation.

I also know I'm taskmaster with little time for excuses. A well oiled machine is my jam. Ok. Let's be real. I'm a hard ass. That's another thing that I've been working on. Coming to accept that everyone isn't me. They aren't going to operate like me, and I have to give the the same grace that I ask for when battling my demons of perfectionism.

Is this going to be easy? Of course not. Rewiring yourself and trying to do things in a different way takes time and practice. So I will extend myself grace. Love on myself and allow myself to be loved on every day. Lean on my soul family when I mentally can't think on another thing. Resting before burnout. Remind myself that perfection is not the goal. Stand firm in my no's. Relish in my yes's. Celebrate the hell outta my birthday in 12 days. (I see you, 39!) And let other people carry their own damn baggage.

The load can and will be shared. And if things aren't done to my liking...

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