Reflections of 38

For the past few years, I've really looked forward to my birthday.

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During my quiet time across the past week, I've been thinking about the lessons learned during the past 12 months. Take a peek.

  • Love just is, but relationship requires active choice.

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I used to think that love had a valve. That you could just turn it off. Now I know better. Love just is. It flows effortlessly when you allow, but where you channel it makes all the difference.

  • Connection is necessary but solitude is where you meet yourself.

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I love to meet people, and am really good at it. I try to be there when people need me the most, but I realize that in the silence is where I find Monica. No pretenses, no bs, just me.

  • I was meant thrive not just survive.

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For the longest, I was only allowing myself to dream of the bare minimum in all areas of my life. Now my dreams have no walls, no restrictions. I shoot for the moon because I know everything that is meant for me will come. I've just got to enjoy the ride.

  • Fixing people is not my job.

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People are going to do what they do, and no amount of care is going to stop them. I had to stop trying to save people. Trying to "fix" them. My only concern is how I act when I deal with them. Talk about a load off my shoulders.

  • My capacity to love is not diminished by someone's inability to receive.

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I love big. Always have. Unfortunately sometimes that ends up getting me hurt in the process. I'm okay with that now. I send love out. I get it back, though not always from the intended target.

  • Complete wellness

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I've got one shot at this life, and in order to live it to the fullest, I've got to take care of myself emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Every day I try to do things that put a check in each box.

  • Caution is warranted but fear has no place in my future

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Being afraid of the unknown serves no purpose other than to keep me in the very place that I keep saying I don't want to be. While I don't go off half-cocked, I know that I'm being led to where I should be.

  • Setting expectations isn't a bad thing. Just be prepared for when people can't meet them.

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I have very high expectations of people. Even higher for myself. But when people don't meet them, I can't lose focus of my end goal. I have to figure out a way to work through the perceived shortcomings. After all, it's my goal.

  • Change is necessary for growth.

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Change is hard for me. I like for things to stay the same, because I know what to expect, but with routine comes boredom. I'm welcoming the shifts now, both inward and outward.

  • Some relationships have depth and some have breadth. Both are needed.

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There are some people who see me. I mean, see my soul. They hold me and my secrets. Others have a very surface level knowledge of what I truly am. Having both in my life has given me the freedom to live in the moment and also rest my burdens when necessary.

  • Apply pressure always, because this is my life and I only get one!!!

Not everyone is going to agree with my choices. I can't let that keep me from being me. Embodying the "crazy, sexy, cool" vibes of TLC. So I'm wearing the red lipstick, the dress that might be a little too snug in some areas and low cut in others. Share the posts that may be seen as inappropriate by some. Chase my goals. Dream big. All that ish!

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I'm truly excited to see what the last year of 30s has in store. We will move, so I will begin to build my village again just like we've done before. Rinse, lather, repeat. But I'm finding joy in the process of my unfolding. My becoming.

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