We talked about love in the three ways that it typically shows up, which is cool and all, but how do we begin to heal ourselves and the way we look at love, so that we show up in love?
Yeah, I don't know that answer either. It will be specific to each one of us based on what we need love to look like. So where do we start? I think it starts with healing the trauma behind why we feel unworthy of a specific type of love in the 1st place. We have to see ourselves as worthy of love, and after we see that, begin to practice loving ourselves. Once we realize that we are the shit, and we don't need anyone to confirm that we are the shit, we should then be able to say "OK what does love look like for me? How do I want love to come in? Am I willing to let others love me?'
This is a hard one. As one of my good friends called me out on the other day "I hear you saying what you don't want, but WTF do you want, Mon?'
Yeah, that's me up there. Fake offended and all.
Being able to nail that down eliminates the mindreading that we expect others to do. Also, in long standing relationships, we have to understand that needs change. Maybe I wasn't big into gifts, but now I'm hinting a piece of jewelry that has caught my eye. Or at 25, maybe I needed to be up under you, because of insecurities that I had around who I am in this world and in this relationship. At 35, I may now know that my worth is not define by my relationship status, and I am completely okay with you having interests outside of being in my face 24/7, because honestly I don't want you in mine 24/7 now either.
No one ever said love was easy, but it's always worth it. So the next time you get upset about the way love is being presented ask yourself "Have I made it known what I need?" Because the only way they will know is if you tell them.
Unhealthy, toxic, and struggle love could be a thing of the past, if we are willing to allow love to be what it is. Fluid. All compassing. Engulfing. Freeing. It was never meant to be put in a box and tucked away. There is never a scarcity of love. It's all around us, and if you have trouble finding it, maybe you are looking for YOUR love in all the wrong places.