Clarity from Chaos
So if you follow me on my FB or IG accounts, then you know this week was hectic. If you don't, first of all
Second, we are a military family in the process of moving from Japan to Germany. This week they packed up the majority of our belongings, and they will begin the slow journey to our new home.
To say this week was chaotic would be an understatement.
I don't do well with chaos. My preference is to agonize over what is about to take place, painstakingly create a meticulously detailed plan, and then bitch about my family not following it. What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment.
And that's essentially what happened this week. Things were thrown into closets and cars at the last minute, and some things that shouldn't have gotten packed did. This is an every 3 years process, and the only difference each time is the kids are older and want to get rid of less shit.
I will say this move was easier because there's no baby. Honey, this will be the first move where errrrrrrbody got somewhere to go come August. Happy Birthday to me!!!
This move has brought some clarity to how I approach my relationships and mapping out what I think should happen.
I don't trust people.
Ok, let me rephrase that. I don't trust people to handle their business without having to call me. Yeah, that's better. I have made it a habit to be someone people can depend, but at some point, I took away their abilities to handle ish on their own. So I go behind them a million times, because if something is missing, guess who they calling...
Which leads me to the next one.
I won't let people fail.
I can't tell you how many times I went behind these kids and my husband asking if they had done what I asked instead of letting the chips fall where they may. (Yes, I know he is an adult, but still...) I'm like this in a lot of areas in my life. Instead of letting natural consequences happen, I try to save people from the own ignorance. Now granted, packing underwear isn't a priority to some 6 year old boys so there are exceptions of course. But toys, books, things to keep them occupied while we sit in this empty house for 5 weeks? Those things I should have left up to them, and if they got packed...
My way is right...to me.
There are four other people in this house who don't think the way that I do. And while I typically make decisions based on what should be the most positive outcome for all involved...THEY.DON'T.CARE. No amount of Dr. Strange-ing a situation will stop free will, and these people in this house exercise that ish with they chest. If they aren't in the mood, it's like pulling teeth to get things done and all that happens is we all end up pissed off.
It's a lesson I seem to have a hard time integrating, so I keep revisiting it. Be glad when I figure it out.
I swallow shit...a lot.
We've talked about that over here before. To avoid hurt feelings, it's best not to say anything. When my plan was the right course of action, but I decided to concede...and then I'm proven right...it's hard to be quiet. But I'm the queen of telling folks that they "loud and wrong", so I choose to be right in silence...sometimes. In some cases, though, it's less about being right and more about being heard. As a child, I would swallow things because the opposition was louder and/or bigger. Even if the tone isn't harsh, I just prefer to be handled in a certain way. The shitty part is that the very thing I take offense to, I offend with. I think that trying to hold my tongue is also an exercise in not putting out energy that I don't want returned to me. Can't be having "bitch" boomerang back over this way.
Sweetness is my default setting. Love is my default frequency.
And also...God is still working on me.
As always, life serves up a moment of reflection for me. The build up to the move was a mess. The movers being here and boxing up my ish was nerve wrecking. Mentally I am exhausted. But it's over. A major hurdle for this move has been jumped, and we all survived to see conquer another giant.
Seeing how a person reacts to stress and strain tells you a lot about who they are as a person. I'm still getting a handle on my "presets to reset". (Shout out to one of our IG live viewers for that one.) Thank God for music, candles, and bath soaks!