Trusting the Divine Plan

Seems easy enough, right? Knowing that your steps are ordered even if you can't see your way? Not so when you suffer from anxiety. Relinquishing control and believing it will all work out is something I struggle with daily.

I started this post back in 2022. Here we are in 2026, and I'm having the same struggles. Healing is not linear. Lessons repeat until you learn to approach them differently.

I start over a lot. Let's look at the timeline of my adult life:

2005 - Moved to North Carolina for my first job

2010 - Moved back to Mississippi after hubs rejoined the service

2015 - Moved to Alaska

2019 - Moved to Japan

2022 - Moved to Germany

2025 - Moved to San Antonio

Every 3 or so years, I'm told to pack it up and hightail it to some new location. And every move I'm met with the same fear: What do I do now?

Every location brings with it a growth edge.

Each time I'm required to stretch. Against my will, and also, for my good. Creating community is a part of my call, and moving around allows that to happen.

But while I say for my good, that doesn't mean there weren't any growing pains.

Adapting to life away from my family. Navigating adulthood with a partner. Creating new friendship circles. Job loss. Becoming a mom. Being a military spouse. Watching my belief structure be dismantled and rebuilt.

So here we are, in a space of trusting the plan even though I can't see around the bend. But this time is harder for some reason. It's more uncomfortable than before. Like I can't keep lying to myself about my feelings. Saying I'm ok when I'm not. The signs and synchronicities all point to accepting my fate. What that fate is, I don't know. But it sits just under the surface of the water. And this time that scares the hell outta me.