These posts are heavy, but very necessary. I didn't expect it to shift this way but I've been in a very introspective space so it doesn't come as a surprise that the love and light aspects of the topic aren't what's coming to the surface. I will say, though, that I'm open to all conversations that turn subject matter on its head and cause us to see things in a different way, so...
When we talk about grieving, we are typically talking about someone leaving the physical realm, and with that, we allow people to grieve however they need to. Most of time. But when a marriage/relationship dissolves, we are less likely to give people time and space. Especially if we didn't like the mfer in the first place.
And while the above sentiment may be true, it doesn't take into account that there is still the loss of what was and what they thought could have been.
When people change in a relationship, we grieve the person they once were, all the dreams and goals we had planned for the person they no longer are. The person we initially fell for.
And that shit is sucks. Getting under someone new ain't the way either. We have to give ourselves, and others, time to process what as taken place. Because not only are we reconciling the past, we are also having to shape a future either with or without our person.
Thoughts running through our heads like
"Was I in love with their potential and not who they truly were?"
"Is there someone else?"
"What about me?!?!" "We had a good thing going, right?" I've been there, and as things morphed, I also took stock of my actions. Was there something that I could have done? I know I'm hyper-critical, and I tend to not have time for excuses, which care wear on my relationships, but I had to come to terms with the fact that the changes had nothing to do with me, and I always had the option to stay or go.
So if you are currently in the middle of a relationship restructuring (I like that phrase), be gentle with yourself. Grieve the loss before going forward in love. No hard feelings, remember? Just lessons and blessings.