Hey, ya'll, hey! Yes, I'm still here in this space. Even though I haven't been writing, there has been plenty on my heart to say. I share my thoughts on Instagram at @prettyladyo24, because I feel the words don't require an entire blog post. Yeah, I know, a simple I love you is worthy, but I'm working through self-worth and knowing that my words will reach who they are meant to reach as long as I move from a place of love.
If you've been rocking with Michelle and I for a while, then you know we are some praying, meditating, card pulling sisters, who know when to pull back and wait for guidance on what to do next. And that has been me for the past few weeks. Honestly, the past few months. Listening. Watching. Tuning in to my inner voice. Silencing the noise that wants me to believe that I'm lazy or slacking. Instead of falling into the trap of doing what I "should" be doing, I'm doing the things that I'm led to do. Flow and Be. Not Force and Do.
Sunday morning's meditation led to this post. I pulled the "Take Risk" card from my Threads of Fate deck and immediately tensed up.
I'm not a risk taker. Something as simple as making my IG public took weeks for me to execute. I tend to stay close to the shore, because the shore is safe. Or so I've been taught to believe. As Alexis Pauline Gumbs says in Undrowned, "Sometimes it's dangerous to be discovered." So I stay hidden in the shadows.
But the question came up...What am I afraid of?
My response: "To be seen."
But why?
"What if others don't like what they see?"
Then they can look away.
I think a big part of it is that social media gives a voice to people who are mean. Like genuinely mean. But it's also the perception from my real family and friends. Those people who know Mon from her childhood, 20s, and hell even 30s, because 40 is starting out spicy. (If you know you know. 😜)
We love to wax poetic about living authentically, but has anyone truly admitted how hard that is? People change. Damn near daily. So showing up with new beliefs, or even a new hairstyle can be anxiety inducing. People's perception of us isn't always rooted in fact.
"I didn't think you cursed."
"Oh, I didn't think you'd wear something like that."
"That's not how you were raised."
You know the comments.
So we censor ourselves. There are things I post on IG that I don't post on Facebook because I don't feel like fielding comments. But in doing so, "our" people can't find us. Those that applaud our fiery spirit. Those that "yasssss" us when we winning. Those that rally for us when life is showing its ass.
It's not until we show up fully that our light shines bright enough for them to see. There is fear in being seen, but also freedom. We have to choose freedom. Otherwise, we are doing God/The Universe/Spirit/the Creator a disservice.
There is no way all of your awesome was meant to be bottled up and hidden away. So stand in it. Every day. All day.