Boundary violator? Who, me?!?
There are a lot of conversation around boundaries lately. How we should uphold ours and people should respect ours, but what about other people's boundaries? Have we considered the ways that we overstep their boundaries? Yeah, this is one of those posts. 💀🤷🏾♀🤣
I'm guilty of it. Big bad. I hate when someone's in a funk, and I naturally want to make it better in any way I can. Especially if you are in my presence either in person or on the phone.
Here's the thing though... these people didn't ask me to help. And haven't said they want to talk about it. I just insert myself into a situation that usually has nothing to do with me. All because their mood is affecting mine. Selfish much? Self-serving much? Absolutely. This is not to say I don't care, but if I'm being honest, it's just a drag to be around someone in a bad mood.
Now of course this depends on the person. Some people need a little nudge, and the flood gates open. Others aren't into discussing their feelings, preferring to let it pass. I struggle in those situations, but like I told a friend
It's hard af though, but learning to walk away and give people their space is growth for me, because needing to be needed isn't healthy. Constantly going out of my way to be helpful isn't healthy. Especially when I wasn't asked or invited on their journey. My power does not come from emptying my cup in service to others. My worth is not defined by martyrdom for the sake of someone appreciating me. Those that want my help can and will ask for it, and me pressuring them to open up in order to feel useful isn't going to change that. If anything, it makes me annoying and borderline nosy.
So check yourself the next time someone says they are fine. Make sure that you aren't making them uncomfortable when all they want to do is forget about what's going on for a hot second, and enjoy your company. You may not be their shoulder to cry on, and you gotta be ok with that.