Happy Monday y'all! It is November 8th and day 8 of my 30 days of gratitude challenge! It is becoming easier to think about what I am grateful for but harder to remember what order I want to share it. I think that it is a blessing to be able to look over my life and note that I am grateful for a lot of things and none of them are monetary or world possessions. On that note, today I am grateful for my confidence.
When I was younger, I was not confident. People assumed I was because I didn't mind singing in front of anyone, or modeling, or participating in pageants or fashion shows. I didn't mind competing, but that didn't mean I was confident. I was ballsy! LOL! Back then, I could be a bit impulsive at times and would find myself having to see through some irrational decision my insta-brain signed me up for without regard to my confidence. I can remember signing up for a talent show and signing my heart out, I won but I can remember this one guy aggressively booing me. Now, mind you, his booing had nothing to do with my level of talent and everything to do with him being upset that I had recently called it quits with his homeboy whom was allegedly heartbroken. Weird right? I know! But that is a story for another time. I can remember getting on that stage and so many others and working so hard to get the approval of the crowd. I can even remember auditioning for American Idol several times and hoping they would "pick me" only to be told "you can really sing, but you're just not what we are looking for!" That would become my story in a lot of areas. Seeking out relationships and guys responding in a similar way, 'you're cute but you're not my type" or "you're cute for a big girl" blah blah blah! When trying to connect with girl cliques before I fully understood the power of being on your own. You keep hearing the same line but from different folks and eventually you internalize that.
For a brief but impactful while, I allowed the opinions of others to affect my confidence level. I wanted to shrink and become invisible. I felt ugly and fat and unwanted. It wasn't until I began my journey to self-discovery and self-love that I learned to love me as I am. I finally realized that I am just not some folks' cup of tea and that is ok. I could be the kindest most considerate person ever and someone will still dislike me. I cute be whatever size and someone would still find me unattractive! And guess what...that's ok!!
I am so happy that I didn't lose all of my youth worrying about the opinions of others. What my interactions taught me was to uplift women...all of them! Tell them they are beautiful whether I think they know it or not. You never know when someone needs to hear it! I am confident because I build confidence in others. I think that's probably one of my biggest flexes. I no longer care if someone thinks I am cute or kind or whatever. When I wake up in the morning and look at myself, I am proud of the woman that I have become. Only I know my journey and my battle scars. So consequently only I can appreciate them for what they bring to my life. I exude confidence because I want to make sure that my daughters know what confidence looks like and can walk boldly and comfortably in their own skin. Where confidence used to be my weakness, it has now become my super power. I am DOPE AF and I know it! I bet you are DOPE AF too!
I hope that this finds you either filled with confidence or committed to building your confidence! Understanding that confidence isn't about how you look, it is about how you feel about yourself! I feel good!
What are you grateful for today?
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