***Disclaimer***
I have been writing posts and not publishing them because I needed to journal but was ready to have the actual conversation. As things are shifting, I am becoming a little more comfortable with the conversations.
I know it is the first of March but this is an important draft from Feb. 9th...
This has been quite a few weeks and when I have the bandwidth to fully unpack it I will. I am so grateful for my husband, my dope ass sister, and my f&@king amazing friends for holding space while I wait to see my therapist later today. I journaled for the first time in a while last night and this is what was birthed from me.
"An ode to my mental state"
A poem By MichelleRena
I am not ok
I keep telling myself that I will be one day
But I woke up again and I’m still not ok
People keep asking but the answer is still no
And honestly the question makes me want to scream hell the fuck no
I’m triggered and I’m scared
I’m tired and I’m afraid
My anxiety is getting the best of me
And truthfully
I’m not sure if I ever will be
But everyday
I continue to say it’s ok
it will all be okay
But today is not that day and I’m finally ok with saying I’m not okay
This poem was written during what I can honestly say has been the worst week of 2023 thus far. I pray that I don't have a week that supersedes just how awful this one was. It sucked just that bad.
During the week of Feb 6-10, I watched my child fight for her life and her sanity at the same time. Middle school can be a place that either makes you or breaks you and I watched it nearly break my child. From dealing with bullies, to learning that she thinks, learns, and processes things differently, it is nothing that we could have ever prepared for and I literally just had a middle schooler a year ago. This journey has shown me just how different each child is and how essential it is that they get what they need to thrive.
I will be sharing more about our journey this far, through my daughter's voice because this is her story. Please stayed tune. In the meantime, I hope each of you had a DOPE Black History Month and are ready for an amazing month of March as I prep to highlight some truly Dope Black Women in a variety of fields.
If you or someone you know has been a victim of bullying, the Crisis Text Line is here to help with bullying. Reach a Crisis Counselor by texting HOME to 741741.
If you or someone you know is battling suicidal thoughts are experiencing emotional distress. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 200+ crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 9-8-8. It is available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.
More to come...in the meantime, DOPE BLACK WOMAN you are LOVED!!!
XOXO,
MichelleRena