This post has been sitting since August. I couldn't finish it because well, my emotions wouldn't let me.
Sacred Rage
Pissed off joy
My dad left the physical plane on June 25. To say dead sounds so final. Especially when I know he lives on in so many ways.
These phrases describe how I've felt since I got that call.
Angered because I thought we had more time
Gratitude for the time we had
Sacred because that was our relationship in all ways
Rage because he made choices that cut the time
My dad was many things. Perfect, no? Perfect for me, yes. To say we bumped heads is an understatement. Lol I get my capacity to love and hold space from him. He was human. Beautifully and sometimes tragically human but he was my daddy. We both did things to piss each other off but the calls always ended
Love you, daddy.
Love you too, Sugar.
The past 2.5 months have been wild. I've seen signs of him here and there. Dragonflies. Butterflies. Still doesn't feel real until his name gets further down on my FB messenger. Then reality kicks me in the face. The hole that will never get filled because more apparent. He was literally one of my favorite people to walk this earth.
This is a club with a guaranteed membership. I just thought I had a while before my number was called..