6 years late(r)...

Yesterday, Jhené Aiko released her latest album “Westside Whimsy” and when I tell you Sis had something to say, after six years, baby SIS…HAD…SOMETHING…TO...SAY! But before I dig in to the way Jhené brought me full circle with this album let me start by acknowledging the impact that her 2020 “Chilombo” album had on my life and why her six year journey connects with mine.

Flashback to the year 2020...Friday, March 6th to be exact! We are unknowingly on the verge of a global pandemic which will shut down the world as we know it for what would seem like a forever at the time. On this day, before the chaos of scrambling for masks and PPE becomes the focus of every American citizen, before job titles would become singularly classified by the term "essential" or "nonessential" sparking countless debates, and before parents would be held responsible for their own children's learning...Jhené Aiko released her third studio album, Chilombo.

Every single track carried me through the realities of what I can look back on as me beginning to sit with the reality of a failed marriage. From the lore of the "Lotus" intro - to the immediate draw of the "Triggered (freestyle)", I felt seen for the first time in a long time. It was like Jhené had been watching my life play out like an episode of Real World and crafted an album that showed me that I was never meant to endure or overcome suffering in the name of love. Love was supposed to be something that made me feel embraced and supported.

I blasted this album on repeat day after day...

Singing...

Day after day, I sang this at the top of my lungs. So much so, that my then 11, 8, and 3 year old daughters began to sing background for me. There was a literal awakening happening and little did I know the role Chilombo would play in helping me discover my worth. Track after track I realized that while I had hoped and prayed that things would change, reality set in that after five years of hoping...things were NEVER going to change.  I began questioning every relationship I had. Asking how and if it provided me with love, and how and if that love was embracing me, supporting me, and holding me accountable for its reciprocity. I began evaluating the way I showed love for others. I focused on truly building and become a positive being so that the love that I desired could find me. I had to become love!

What Jhené really did with the Chilumbo album was show me...me and what I saw was not cool. I had become everything I said I never wanted to be. The nevers started nevering and they were LOUD! I found myself allowing treatment that I would have never accepted and I couldn't understand why. My Facebook friend C J Lawrence said it best, "if you let a mf slide, eventually they gone try to build a waterpark!" In the name of being what I thought was an understanding, forgiving, and loving wife, I was genuinely just a the proud owner of a waterpark that I allowed to be built.

When I realized I was living life on a roller coaster that I allowed to be constructed by not objecting to terms that I didn't agree with or maintaining silent compliance, I knew I needed to do the work to fix it. I started with me. I recognized the role I played. I disappeared, I ignored, and I shifted the focus elsewhere instead of doing what I perceived as giving up.

I began working on myself intentionally with hopes that if I became better, then naturally those who I loved would also become better. But that didn't happen either. I sought professional help. I went to therapy, I read the books, I did the work. But once I realized that the only person that I could change is me, I shifted my intent. I continued to do the work on me and from that point on my hyper focus became building strength and working on boundaries. I built fortitudinal strength around my mental and spiritual health and I began working on my physical health. In May 2020, I joined my bestie DeBlair's virtual fitness challenge and began building communuity. From there, I began working on building the Tribe of Dope Black Women because one thing I know for sure Is that when you need to be uolifted and supported aint nobody doing that better than Black Women...period! I knew the battle ahead was going to be one that would break me if I was weak in any area.

On August 14, 2020, in the midst of the pandemic, iammichellerena.com was born and the Tribe of Dope Black Women became official. We would meet virtually each week to hold space for one another, then we started livestreaming our conversation and welcoming other women to join in on the discussion. I began interviewing and highlighting Dope Black Women doing all kinds of things and I learned that so many of us shared the same stories, struggles, and situations. Many of us were settling in lives we still hoped would turn out how we once imagined. I strengthened a friendship with Mon (all the way in Japan at that time) that has carried me through the times when I genuinely wasn't sure I would survive.

And here we are six years later! I said I was gonna write a celebratory post about the blog being six years old when I did the rebrand but then Jhené Aiko dropped the fire that is Westwide Whimsy and I immediately felt all the things that I have managed to suppress for the past 6 years rush through my body at 7am on a hot September, Friday morning.

Sis gave us 56 minutes of straight FIRE!!! From "Wildcats" to "Golden Coast", Jhené manages to carry me Into the next chapter with what can only be described as divine timing. Those who know me understand me erethreal relationship and connection that I have to music. When songs speak to me In that way that her songs do It can only be described as cosmic. I joke with myself and think, dang Jhene makes music for girls who love to frollic but stay ready to fight. She makes music for the lover girls who have been forced to forged through ninjas cosplaying like gentlemen.

Jhene thank you for sharing your heart through song. Thank you for taking your time and creating something that speaks to folks in this way and on this level.

As for me, I can't wait to share the details of the journey that these past six years have been. But until then, shoutout to Jhene, shoutout to Mon, shoutout to my Tribe of Dope Black Women and shoutout to me! I have overcome more than I ever imagined I could and I bent but I didn't break!

I'll be back sooner rather than later! In the meantime, make every day a journey towards joy and If you can't make joy for yourself be sure not to take it from anyone else! Don't be a joy thief! Follow me on TikTok for my Daily Deposits!

Love you all!

MichelleRena