This is 40...
...and I'll cry if I want to.
Weird way to start your birthday, right? Well, that's exactly how today started. The past few weeks have been heavy. I gave a glimpse of it on my last post. Decision being made with little to no "gut check". Things happening too fast, and yet not fast enough. Peddle to the floor with no real movement to show for it.
We've talked about chaos before and how I'm not a fan at all. Chaos creates tension. Tension creates anxiety. And I don't always want to talk about it, but feelings get in the way of doing. So, I swallow it. Push through. Make decisions that I don't necessarily feel the best about. Only for it to continue to bubble below the surface waiting to be released.
Sometimes the release is lava. Scorching everything it touches. Other times it's a kettle. Yeah the steam will still burn you, but it's mostly just screaming.
I've felt it coming, but didn't want to accept it so close to my birthday. My day. The one day of the year were I get to be completely and totally self absorbed. But there was no holding it in...so I didn't.
And afterwards I felt the weight lift, and I was able to genuinely enjoy the FB posts, messages, and calls.
Today reminded me that when you show up for people, they will show up for you.
Love you all truly, madly, deeply!
Cheers to 40!