The Joy of Parenting Neurodivergent Children: Body Doubling

This is not a sarcastic post. At least that is not the intent. Today's cup of joy was brought to me by a tear free cleaning of my little kid's room! A little joy goes a long way!

There really is joy in parenting neurodivergent children, especially as a neurodivergent Mom. I see them as they actually are. I mean...I really see them and I accept them in all of their nuances. I attempt to show up in full support to ensure they know that their neurodivergence is not something that they should feel ashamed of or stigmatized for.

I love my little neurodivergent squad! We deep over here!

When I started this journey a while back learning about Autism and the spectrum of neurodivergence, I was intrigued because many of the experiences that were significantly triggering for my girl, once triggered me. I just didn't have the support to navigate it. I grew up in a "ain't nothing wrong with that girl" era and it took a lot of intentionality to undo that mindset. While I agree wholeheartedly that there's nothing "wrong" my girls, they do carry their own unique characteristics that require varying levels of support and attentiveness. Parenting them well, meant unlearning a lot of the things I learned from my parent who did her best to parent a seemingly wayward child.

By researching and learning how to best support them, in many ways I have actually learned how to better support myself. For example, I recently learned a strategy called "body doubling." According to the Attention Deficit Disorder Association, "The methodology of ADHD body doubling is a productivity strategy used by individuals with ADHD to finish possibly annoying jobs while having another person beside them. This person is the body double. The body double’s duty is to keep the individual with ADHD focused on the task at hand to reduce potential distractions and increase motivation."

Instead of fussing at my little one about how long it takes to clean her room, I serve as a body double and simply sit in the room (working on my laptop or reading a book) while she works to clean her room. Ever so often I look around to make sure progress is being made and I encourage her to stay on task. The hardest part of this is staying the course because it is easy for me to fall into the distraction of walking down memory lane when I am the one who supposed to be helping her stay on task.

Sometimes I just flow with the distraction and enjoy the moment because she's a kid and a junky room is not the end of the world. At least not until I stub my toe on a foreign object and proceed to cuss like a sailor.

Typically, once my body doubling session is over, my girl gives me a big hug and expresses her appreciation for me taking the time to sit with her while she completed her tasks. Honestly, it's my pleasure to help her achieve a goal while simultaneously helping her to self-regulate.

ImpactParents.com reminds us that “Body Doubling” is a helpful strategy for people with ADD/ADHD, and a reminder to parents that sometimes we don’t need to say or do anything in order to be helpful! Often, all our babies need to get the job done is another body present. That person can be working alongside on a shared task, or doing something completely separate – it just depends on the circumstances."

A real life example of one of my favorite Mississippi Mass Choir songs which says "having you there made the difference."

Honestly, I tend to benefit from body doubling at work when I have a long list of tasks to complete and don't want to sit silently in a room to do them. I will pack up my screens and sit at the edge of my friend's desk to chat while we both knock things off our "to-do" lists. We literally had no idea that it had an official name.

If you or your babies struggle to complete tasks...find a body double or become a body double and see if it helps.

As I am learning new and helpful parenting strategies, I hope to share them with you all. If you found this to be helpful please comment below.

I love you and I hope you know it!

Love,

MichelleRena

References

ADDA Editorial Team. (2025, February 20). The ADHD body double: A unique tool for getting things done. Attention Deficit Disorder Association. https://add.org/the-body-double/ 

Taylor-Klaus, E. (n.d.). How to help ADHD kids with homework: Be a body double. ImpactParents. https://impactparents.com/blog/adhd/how-to-help-with-homework-be-a-body-double/