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I miss my friend…

Grief is so weird. One minute you’re laughing to the point of tears about something super funny you remember, then you’re literally balling your eyes out about the very same thing.

Today is my friend, prayer partner, and pastor, Big John’s birthday! He would’ve been 38 years old today and for 5 days we would’ve been the same age.

Big John is easily one of my favorite people and it’s weird talking about him in past tense. I went the whole day without thinking about it. I’ve kept myself busy because honestly I didn’t want to think about it. I just wasn’t sure what I would do with the feeling. There hasn’t been a week that has passed where I haven’t missed him. His crazy faith in my voice and talent, his funny dad jokes that I swear he had telling way before he became a dad, his strong lion like presence that would make you say yes when you really wanted to say no, and his unwavering love of the God and people made him unlike any other person I’d ever met before. It’s crazy to think that the whole world lost him. Like he’s really not here anymore. It’s even crazier to think that his family no longer gets to have him either. He was such a giant of a man. A genuinely good human!

I miss my friend! It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve not heard his voice or sang happy birthday to him. There have been so many times where I’ve wanted to call and ask for advice and guidance or simply a better understanding of the word. I miss knowing that no matter how worldly I may have felt he always saw the God and the good in me. I’m so glad I and so many others got to know him and love him. I’m even happier that he was able to love people in such an authentic and organic way that made every single one felt like they were his favorite.

Grief is hard and I’m learning that every death is grieved differently. This one hasn’t stopped hurting yet. Happy Birthday Big John!!! You are so loved and so missed!

Greater is coming…


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