I, MichelleRena, Unsubscribe...

So initially I was prepping to write a post about unsubscribing from all of the many unneeded shopping apps and text reminders that I receive daily encouraging poor financial stewardship. But as I typed the word “unsubscribe” something triggered me and I had to pause for a few moments… (hours) actually.

Everybody who says “new year, new me” ain’t wrong. For some of us, the newness of the year is exactly the reset that we need to refocus our goals or even to unsubscribe from some of the habits and behaviors that have kept us stuck for so long.

Too often we see folks shunning and shaming what they don’t understand or have never experience. Take depression for an example, I just took a bathroom break…

and lost nearly 2 hours writing this post...because I allowed my ADHD to run rampant. Before I left the bedroom, I made the conscious decision to clean off the dresser top. It took probably 30 minutes to complete the task, and then I went from there to folding clothes. I have to be honest and say that the amount of sheer distractions that occur between me thinking of something to write and actually hitting "publish" can span from minutes to months.

The general, amount of over-subscription I have committed to in my adult life is very likely the reason I sometimes allow "imposter syndrome" to trick me into believing that I am not good enough or that sharing my thoughts can't possibly be a ministry for anyone. And that, my friends, is why I have hesitated almost daily to commit to writing. My subconscious brain; and the depression and anxiety combo that lives there and wants to loud talk it's way into every scene, start sending out all of the negative self talk. Self talk that either has me overanalyzing my every thought or distracted by everything but the task at hand. That is an example of what I want to unsubscribe to.

I want unsubscribe to the overwhelming amount of guilt that comes with...(insert the quick trip to Lane Bryant to return something).

[Ya'll when I tell you that I am literally documenting how long it's actually taking me to type of this post and complete the thought that it feels almost insane.]

At this point, I am almost lost as to the point of the entire post.

Me either, but it's coming back!

But what I AM gaining from it is 1) how extremely important it is for me to unsubscribe to some of the open tabs in my brain and to keep striving to curate a plan to make sure I focus on more task completion and less task depletion.

When you get it, type "Got it" in the comment section!

2) Also not to let the negative self talk that keeps me feeling guilty about not posting and simultaneously upset with myself for only resisting the urge to post because I didn't want to confront the dynamic duo (that is depression and anxiety) that seeks to keep me so stuck that I can't complete the things that bring me joy. The fact that I refrain from writing even though it is the one thing that brings me an immense amount of joy. Like for real, it's therapeutic and peep this...it's the thing that helps to subdue the depression. So you can't tell me that when I am depressed my own brain isn't actively working against me to convince me that I shouldn't do the thing that would calm my stress.

3) The biggest takeaway from this season of unsubscribing is that I have to do the work every day to retrain my brain to fight for the good. I have to actively focus more heavily on the glimmers and the bright spots in my life, because if my brain remembers the good times when I am overwhelmed with anxiety and depression then it will have a clear picture of regulated Michelle and what it feels like to rest in consistent regulation. I haven't felt that way in YEARS!!!!

4) The final takeaway is that I have to also stand on guard and not allow interactions and negative encounters that seek to deplete me mentally, I have to unsubscribe to interactions that will cause me to be dysregulated. I have to regain control over my response to the triggers in my life.

"More task completion and less task depletion!"

Y'all writing this healed me so deep. For every person that reads this, I hope it heals you too. And if it really does heal you, please share it with a friend who might need this healing too!

Love,

MichelleRena

Y'all this was a 12 hour post! But I made it! We made it!

12 hours!